Based on your recent experiences at work, feedback you have received and the outcomes of this quiz, it is possible that you are difficult to work with. When you are perceived as difficult, you know that has negative impacts on you and others.
So, what do you do now?
First, try to get a sense for which of your behaviors may be perceived as most difficult. Here are some general areas that can cause problems:
Reactivity: While it is valuable to see and anticipate potential problems or pitfalls, consistently negative initial reactions are discouraging to others. Over time, complaints and negativity can cause team members to avoid sharing their ideas and thoughts for fear that a negative response will diminish their own energy and motivation.
Dependability: If others consistently demonstrate the need to improve or alter your work, that is a sign that you may not be meeting their expectations. Over time, this places additional burden on others and can cause work delays.
Clarity: When roles, responsibilities and decision-making rights are not clearly delineated, your teammates will be confused and frustrated with consistent conflict. This type of recurring, unhelpful conflict is a major source of stress at work and a key cause of employee burnout.
Appreciation: Good conversations are about an exchange of ideas and viewpoints. However, if you usually hold an opposing opinion, sometimes just for the sake of debate, this conversational style can become unpleasant.
Direction: When project goals and metrics change frequently, the team must continuously readjust. Change and readjustment can cause significant stress in your team, especially if the changes are viewed as unnecessary or frivolous.
Dominance: If you often find yourself talking longer and more intensely than those around you, it may be difficult for others to contribute to the conversation. Even if you are a subject matter expert, others may tire of being involved in conversations that tend to be one-sided.
Second, once you have a sense for a few of your most difficult behaviors, try this exercise:
1. Identify how those behaviors are helpful to you (even if they are difficult to others).
For example, let’s say your difficult behavior is that you take over conversations by spending a lot of time discussing your point of view. The benefits to you may be that people view you as a subject matter expert, it makes you feel good to make a significant contribution to a conversation and exerting conversational dominance may help you feel more like a leader.
2. Think of other ways to get those benefits.
Based on the example above, another way to show that you are a subject matter expert is by listening intently for the other person’s understanding of the issues and for his/her specific questions. This way you can be more targeted in your discussion topics, share your expertise, and not take over the entire conversation. By having more nuanced responses and topics, you may have a more positive impact in the conversation.
3. Test out your new ideas in a low-risk environment.
Going back to our example, in a low stakes meeting with a friendly colleague try to spend more time upfront listening to your colleague’s point of view. Ask questions about his/her point of view and pinpoint the areas where your expertise is most valuable. After the meeting, evaluate whether your colleague responded differently to your new approach, and how you felt about your test.
If your first test resulted in an improvement for you and your colleague, great. If not, devise other possible changes to test. Becoming easier to work with and getting better results with your colleagues is an iterative process, so be patient with yourself.
Feel free to reach out to lauren@evoluteconsult.com with questions.
